Clean it Out (Or should we call this “Farting”?)

Last night I had a rather humorous conversation with FKGuy. We were in the car and were talking about my visit to the vet earlier that morning with Babka. I’m not sure where it went really off track, but I will summarize for you. By the way, you may notice no photos attached to this story. I am not Katie Couric and fortunately for us all, did not record my colonoscopy. Welcome to my life. 

FKGuy: How was your visit to the vet?

Me: Fine. Babka only needed one vaccination, but it is still a good thing to get her in for an annual checkup. I go to the doctor for an annual checkup, so should she. We will not get her on your every-seventeen-years-if-you-need-it-or-not plan.

Yes, that is right, dear reader, my husband went seventeen years between doctor visits. From the time he had his pre-college exam until well into his thirties. Meanwhile, I have seen my doctor quite often. (I would say that we have become quite good friends and have reduced our relationship to a series of snarky exchanges, but we have actually been friends since we were about 9 or 10 years old, so the snarky exchanges have been going on a long time.)

FKGuy: Hey, I have gotten better! Now I go every few years. I got a perfect bill of health last time. 

Me: Whatever. I’m pretty sure I am giving up on my current endocrinologist (Note: I am pretty sure he is not a reader of the blog. If he is, well, this really shouldn’t come as a surprise anyway) and so I will likely go back and see my regular doctor again in the next couple of weeks. 

FKGuy:  I am getting close to that age. 

Me: What age?

FKGuy: You know… the one where I have to have the test. 

Me: What are you talking about?

FKGuy: A colonoscopy. (He whispers, as if he is a character in Brighton Beach Memoirs, discussing a serious illness.)

Me: Whatever. A colonoscopy is easy. I was perfectly fine afterwards. You take a laxative, then you get a  nap. They wake you up and make you fart, and…

FKGuy: Well, that part I am good at. 

Me: Yes, I am quite aware… anyway, then you leave. You likely lose a couple pounds in the process. Bonus!

FKGuy: Well, I am not looking forward to it. 

Me: What part? The laxatives or the farting? 

FKGuy: The anesthesia. I don’t do anesthesia. I don’t do drugs. I have only taken Tylenol with codeine once when my wisdom tooth was pulled. No anesthesia. But the farting won’t be an issue. 

Me: Well, being awake with a camera up your ass is probably not a good idea, either. 

FKGuy: I am not interested in any of it.

Me: Good thing you likely will not need to have one for another nine years. We can revisit this conversation then. 

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