Every once in a while, some annoying things get me to the point that I must get it off my chest. Now. Speaking of chests, one of the most irritating things of the last week is Serena Williams’ nipples. No, I have no issue with her nipples, nor the fact that you may have been able to see an outline of said nipples while she was playing, in the final, at Wimbledon. Neither should you. Yes, she has nipples. So do the rest of us. You know what we don’t have? Her talent. Until you can compete with Serena, stop discussing her nipples and start considering her incredible talent. Here are 11 other truly annoying things:
- People who talk about themselves just to hear their own voice. Shut up already. Find another topic. If you don’t have any other subjects, you can just stop talking. Now.
- Not using a turn signal. Seriously, people, it’s not that hard. Every car has one, and please, please start using yours.
- People that pet my dogs without asking. If you sneak up on my dogs, they will probably be startled, and bark. I know you think they are cute. They are. But they may not feel the same way about you. So, just ask first, before reaching in to grab their adorable little faces, okay?
- Couples who sit on the same side in a restaurant. Unless you are waiting for more people to show up and occupy the other side, it is creepy, and you should stop.
- Blister packs. That’s what those annoying plastic bubble packages are called. You know, the ones that hold your sunscreen? They are hard to open, often result in either (a) injuring myself in the process or (b) taking an exceptionally long time to open something simple.
- Intentional misspelling. Typing “K” when you mean “OK” is irritating. Also, with predictive keyboard typing, you should be able to spell out you, your, and to. Really, how much time are you saving leaving out the O in OK? Not enough. Take the extra tenth of a second and type it out, please.
- People who are good at taking selfies. Can someone please tell me how to do this? I’ve only taken one good one, and it was dumb luck. I was in blinding sunlight, held out the phone, and hoped for the best. Usually, they are a disaster.
- Speaking of photos, people who take pictures while driving. I get it. The Florida Keys are beautiful. You want pictures from your vacation. PULL THE HELL OVER TO TAKE YOUR PICTURES. With only one lane in each direction, there is no need to back up traffic behind you just for your Facebook update. Pull over, snap the photo, get back on the road. It is that simple.
- Man buns. I hate that they are a thing.
- Not saying please and thank you. I am the please and thank you police. There was one time (recently) on a cruise ship where a foursome across the aisle was asking the server for all sorts of things. “I need water!” “I want silverware!” “I’d like a glass of wine!” And from across the aisle, I shouted “PLEASE!” FKGuy was mortified, but frankly, I thought the rude people should have been the ones to be embarrassed. “I’d like a glass of wine, please” will get you refills much quicker. Plus, then everyone around you won’t think you are an ass.
- Raising money without actually doing anything. OK, I know this one will get me some flack, but whatever. Here is the thing: if you are going to stand outside a supermarket/gas station/wherever, and ask for money for your soccer team/cheerleading squad/dance team then I think you should do something to earn that donation. Hold a car wash, bake sale, lemonade stand or tell a joke. Whatever. Do something to earn it.
There you have it. It is raining, and I am feeling a bit cranky today. Don’t even get me started on politics. What do you find to be the most annoying things? Share in the comments below.