Iago, My Nemesis


Iago's cousin. Iago will not sit still for a photo op. He is too busy using the deck as a toilet then hiding, as if we won't know it is him.


So, you think living in paradise is all boating, fishing and sunning? Think again. Like home ownership everywhere, there can be certain issues: dealing with the historical society if you live in Old Town, hurricanes, and the one I did not count on, iguanas. I’ve named ours Iago.

We moved in to our new house, which has mature trees surrounding it and is generally fabulous. On move in weekend, we learned we had an iguana living in the tree. You might be asking yourself how we learned this little gem. Well, it seems Iago thinks that our deck is his private toilet.

Mind you, I have no idea if it is really a “he”, but I am sticking with it, given the whole go-to-the-bathroom-anywhere thing he’s got going on, plus Iago is  a silly name for a female iguana.

We hate Iago. On a Home Depot trip trying to deal with a white fly infested tree, I asked the helpful sales people what I might do about getting rid of Iago. They gave me three choices:

  1. Shoot it. Either with a BB gun or an actual gun. Killing iguanas is, apparently, not illegal. Nor is it frowned upon. Plus, plenty of people eat iguana.
  2. Capture it and move it to another home.
  3. Suck it up and admit that it is staying a while.

Well, I don’t own a gun and I am not in the habit of killing animals, except maybe an errant roach. Although if you own a BB gun, want to come to my house and shoot Iago the iguana and move him somewhere else, I will be more than happy to make some cocktails. Come on over.

Number two, neither I nor FKGuy will be capturing Iago any time soon. We just won’t. Again, if you will, please stop by and I will make you a fruity beverage for your efforts. On the other hand, we are not too good at just sucking it up, either.

So we bought a bottle of Iguana-Rid, which is essentially $18 liquid cayenne pepper. We could not spay it high enough in the tree, so that was a failed effort and a waste of money.

Iago has survived it all. Then I had a plan… we will remove the tree branch that allows him easy access to our otherwise clean deck. In one fell swoop, the branch was gone. Now, it is more difficult for him to get to the nice sunny spot he called potty.

Iago is still there. I still hate him. I don’t think I can last waiting until it gets so cold out that he falls out of the tree (at which point, we would remove him, of course).  If you are willing to offer any alternatives (it is a really tall tree, so please keep that in mind) I am more than happy to listen. Better yet, if you would like to come and claim Iago for your own, I would love it. I will even get you a box to carry him home.

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