In an effort to stay healthy (read: lose the extra weight I have been carrying around and blaming on my non-functional thyroid) I decided to start taking Crossfit classes. It started with a few one-on-ones with the instructor to learn the movements (which I did wrong – a lot) and a meeting with a nutritionist (you know how much I like to eat, so that was not terribly promising) who told me I had a whole lot of body fat. (“Really?,” I asked her, “Then why does everyone keep telling me how great I look. Do they all lie?”). Apparently they do. You know who you are.


One or two clean-and-squats with a 35 pound bar are fine, but when you

What it is supposed to look like... which is not at all how I look doing this exercise

have to start doing forty at a time it becomes a whole new ball game. Then thirty, then twenty, then ten, all interspersed with box jumps – more on those later. Which takes me to the “wall balls”. I think someone drunk came up with this one… you grab a weighted ball (suggested: 14 pounds, I used 8, only because that is the lightest one there), then you bend into a squat, with the ball and toss it ten feet in the air, against a wall. As it comes barreling back towards you, you catch it while in a squat position. Lather, rinse, repeat. Many, many times.


Then there is the box jump. It is as straightforward as it sounds. you simply jump up onto a platform. I use the lowest-to-the-ground one available to me. When I realized what a teeny, tiny platform I am aiming for, I flat out refused and instead used a two-tier step (like the ones for step class, with a nice, wide platform for my clumsy self). I feel really bad saying this (I am going to anyway) but I felt kind of validated in my fears today when a woman – who had clearly done this many times – was jumping up onto one of the really high, teeny, tiny platforms and slipped, gouging her leg. She is apparently not the first to do this. Another woman gouged a finger-sized hole into her leg, which fortunately I did not witness. I think I will stick with the steps for now. After all, I am just starting. I have plenty of time to go from seemingly-crazy to flat-out-nuts.

What other fun goes on in a Crossfit class? Well, today as part of the warm up (I love this – you do a whole exercise routine to “warm up”, and then you do a whole additional workout), we did some crab walks (hands behind you, feet in front of you, strolling around near the ground like a jerk crab), lunges (I actually know how to do one of the exercises. Yay!), squats (yep, still the warm-up) and about a .3 mile run in the glorious midday humidity. After all of that and the aforementioned wall balls you get to start your workout.

As I wonder why I am doing this (midway through the warm up), I realized the answer is very simple: I signed up for a three month commitment. I am optimistic that in the next three months I will lose a few pounds and not keel over. I’m not sure I’d bet money on either one, though.

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