Pure Barre, Fort Lauderdale

I am not smiling because I am happy. I am smiling because I am imagining myself kicking the person taking the photo.
I am not smiling because I am happy. I am smiling because I am imagining myself kicking the person taking the photo.

When I was invited to participate in a blogger’s fitness class at Pure Barre in Fort Lauderdale, my first reaction (and my response to the email) was “Really? After my last performance in that hot yoga class you want me to come and then write about this? Oy.” Apparently the person that invited me was highly amused by the fact that I totally suck at yoga, and was not-so-secretly hoping my Pure Barre class would result in equal or greater clumsiness and self-mocking. 

Frankly, I figured I would deliver. After all, the class is structured around a ballet barre, and I haven’t taken a ballet class since I was about seven years old. Sadly, I think I have somehow become even less coordinated than when I was seven. It was shaping up for an afternoon of ogling the “real people” that know how to do this stuff. But that was not to be.

Before arriving, I was told that I would need a pair of “sticky socks“, but not to worry! A pair would be provided for me. I’ll admit that I thought sticky

Yes, I am strangling myself with the props. Good times.
Yes, I am strangling myself with the props. Good times.

socks were what happened when you didn’t do laundry for a while. Never mind, that would be smelly socks. I don’t want to know how they would get sticky. These socks are kind of like those fun slipper-socks you get at the hospital, or outpatient facility when you are about to have surgery (I know, I have many of those,) but these are cute and come in black with green, turquoise or purple print. Hey, if I am going to look like a fool, I should at least get some good workout gear out of it, right?

As we started the class, I realized there was little relation to ballet, and a lot of similarities to those popular body sculpting classes of the 90’s. I thought it would just be a good class, no mocking involved. Just then, our instructor hit me with a “cat stretch” and I felt that the class was veering dangerously close to yoga territory. Until that point, I simply had a red, rubber ball squeezed between my upper thighs while performing the exercises (try it – it’s not quite as easy as it seems, and you look awesomely ridiculous.) Soon enough, she resumed the normal track of “tiny movements“, saying things like “don’t worry, those 2 pound weights will feel like 20 soon.” Yeah, right. After a whole lot of eye rolling, I am pretty sure I blurted a very loud Hallelujah! when we were finally allowed to drop those sad, yet leaden, 2 pound weights.

At some point during the class, our (extremely thin) instructor told us we would be “working on our seat” which I took as code for “your ass will hurt and you won’t be able to sit down tomorrow.” Or when she says “now let’s work on our core” what she really meant was “since your ab muscles are clearly very weak, you will likely feel like you are being stabbed by a very large knife. But that’s a good thing! After doing this long enough, your abs can look like mine! But you’ll still have the stabbing pain. Sorry. (Not really.)” Apparently, I’m quite good at deciphering fitness code.

The next day, I could not lift my arms at all (even typing hurt. It was not pretty.) As promised, my tush was not immune to the pain of the tiny movements of Pure Barre, either. The thing is, it was a really good class, and I – and my complaining tush – enjoyed it immensely. If it were remotely convenient for me, I would go several times a week. Once the pain subsided, I felt great. Plus, there are no actual ballet moves, and very few yoga-like moves. I don’t really get what the sticky socks were for, as it seems I would have been just as happy in the carpeted room in my bare feet (my toes prefer to not be held hostage by cotton, you know) but the class was – dare I say it? – fun!

Pure Barre Fort Lauderdale is having their grand opening next weekend, January 31 – February 2, with demonstrations, giveaways and more. Check them out. Yes, it is very of-the-moment and trendy, but it also rocks. They are located in the Union Planters Plaza, conveniently anchored by Dick’s Sports (get more workout gear!) and Whole Foods (kale smoothie? I didn’t think so!) at 2408 North Federal Highway, in Fort Lauderdale. Have questions? Don’t ask me, as I probably don’t know the answer, but you can call the awesome team at Pure Barre at 954-566-2202. Let me know what you think (and if your butt hurts, too.)


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