Food Network Star

I take a break from my normal tales of eating (and emergency pants, not that the two are related in any way), to discuss The Next Food Network Star, specifically last night’s finale. (I’m going to tell you who wins, so if you have it recorded and haven’t seen it, just come back here after viewing and we can dish then. I’ll still be here.)

First of all, you must know that I am a food-reality TV junkie. I don’t watch the housewives (and couldn’t name a single one) or Big Brother or Survivor (is that even still on?) but food shows? I watch them all. So when this season’s Next Food Network Star began, I had to tune in. I will say that this season was seriously lacking the Bob-and-Susie show (Bob Tuschman and Susie Fogelson, you know, the people that actually make decisions for Food Network.) I love the look of sheer horror on their faces when they see someone that has a chance of a show on their network, yet seriously lacks any talent. Oh well.

Meanwhile, the contestants… I am only going to talk about the ones I remember, which will eliminate the first four or five people to go. Chad, who calls himself the BBQ Guy (I call him the BBQ Jew, mostly to myself, but occasionally on Twitter, too.) I really liked him, but alas, he apparently did not take anything judges had to say to heart. Sorry to have seen you go so early. Then there is Lovely. Whatever. I know I had (snarkily) changed my name to Awesome, but in fact I am. I never wanted to see her on my screen. Not sorry to see her go.

Danushka, yet another recycled-from-Chopped contestant (much like the Hodge Podge guy who lost the Food Truck race, too). Oh my. If this were a silent show and we never had to hear her speak, I am sure she would have done much better. Nobody is interested in how pretty, or skinny, you think you are. I promise.

Which brings me to the people I have been watching for the past few weeks… Nikki Dinki, while an unfortunate name, and kind of an unfortunate point of view, was fairly entertaining. I am shocked to see how many people were pulling for Stacey, (another recycled Food Network contestant, this time from Restaurant Impossible), as she was OK but I would never watch her show. Too grating. Russell? Yes, you are entertaining, and I like bourbon as much as (or more than) the next person, and I would have been fine with you winning the whole thing.

What I can’t understand is Rodney. Literally, I only understood about every fifth word that came out of his mouth all season. Where is the appeal? The man is supposed to be a pie expert, yet his food looked like crap all season long, save for the pie in his pilot, which I am guessing he had hours on end to perfect. Please, I would love the judges to tell me, WHAT DID YOU SEE IN HIS MUMBLING, NONSENSICAL, POOR PIE MAKING that made him a finalist???

Congratulations to Demaris who manages to be southern and yet, not grating, and get her point of view across. I look forward to your show.